


Burden

by Wheres_my_badger



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Anyways, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hwall centric, I think this is all, Kinda, M/M, ah there it is, also kinda - Freeform, hwall/juyeon and hwall/younghoon are only hinted at, my baby needs to be protected, my tag, no explicit couples
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 16:31:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17429474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wheres_my_badger/pseuds/Wheres_my_badger
Summary: Hyunjoon felt as if his lungs were burning. His gasps were hurtful, making his throat ache, and he could barely feel his limbs anymore. His head was also pounding as if someone was hitting it with a hammer. But none of that mattered. He had to keep going. He couldn’t stop now.





	Burden

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mrkscafe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrkscafe/gifts).



> Requested by ArtemisCL: [Hyunjoon] feeling like not good enough for his team because he also had a hiatus and stuff
> 
> Hope you like it!!!

Hyunjoon felt as if his lungs were burning. His gasps were hurtful, making his throat ache, and he could barely feel his limbs anymore. His head was also pounding as if someone was hitting it with a hammer. But none of that mattered. He had to keep going. He couldn’t stop now.

 

When Hyunjoon’s foot started hurting it took all he had to go to Sangyeon and tell the older about it. Not because he didn’t trust Sangyeon or anything like that. But because he was scared of the response he would get. What had convinced him was the idea that whatever the hell it was that was making his foot hurt could get worse and evolve to something untreatable that would leave him unable to dance ever again. Call him dramatic, but he wasn’t going to risk that. So he had gone to Sangyeon.

They had gone to the doctor together, because Sangyeon was nice like that. When they left, Hyunjoon wished he had never mentioned his aching foot, wished Sangyeon hadn’t gone with him so he could at least pretend for a little longer that everything was fine.

“Joon…”

Sangyeon had started, that afternoon in the car. Hyunjoon had simply looked away, crossing his arms. His vision was blurry. He didn’t let the tears fall.

Hyunjoon did let himself cry a while later. When their MV was uploaded and the other boys left for their first performance. The look in their eyes… Hyunjoon half wished he could punch them, just to erase those stupid pitying looks in their eyes. And then he felt bad about wishing that, and bad that they had had to adjust the choreography last time because of him, and so incredibly sad that he wouldn’t get to be on their first comeback stage with the others. And that’s when he let himself cry.

Hyunjoon didn’t let them see him crying, and didn’t let them see the traces and signs that he had been crying. To them, everything was perfectly well. For Hyunjoon, the world had ended.

 

Hyunjoon restarted the song and went over the choreography again, singing the whole song as he went, because he had to train singing while dancing, too, and only singing his lines wouldn’t do much, considering… Hyunjoon felt his eyes fill with tears, and maybe it was because he was so exhausted, or because he was just too emotionally stressed to keep pretending he was fine, but he broke down.

His legs became jelly under him and he fell to the ground, curling in on himself, sobs wrecking his body as tears mixed with sweat on his face. He wasn’t good enough. He would never be good enough. He would never have more than one line, would never be the centre in a dance performance. He would never be able to make up for that stupid comeback, would never reach the others. Never.

Hyunjoon was still crying when the door opened. He didn’t move. He didn’t care.

“Hyunjoon?”

Juyeon. Great. Just what he needed.

“G-go away.”

He said, voice broken. Juyeon ignored him completely, and suddenly there were arms around Hyunjoon, and he let himself fall against Juyeon, crying against the older. He probably looked disgusting, ugly. He hid his face away from the older.

“Joonie, breathe, please. You’ll make yourself sick, baby.”

The softness in Juyeon’s voice only made Hyunjoon cry harder. He noticed the older typing something on his phone, but didn’t care enough to ask about it. He just let himself cry, let out everything he had been bottling up for months.

He heard when someone else entered the room, and he simply curled up tighter. Why were they there? Why couldn’t they leave him alone? He didn’t want their stupid pity, he wanted to be alone so he could stop getting in their way and pulling them down like a fucking iron ball to the foot.

“What happened?”

He heard Sangyeon ask, and then he had enough. He shoved Juyeon away and tried to get up. He needed to get out of there, away from them.

Unfortunately, he only stumbled a few steps before losing strength again, and the last thing he heard was Juyeon screaming his name before his vision went black.

 

Hyunjoon woke up to an annoying beeping sound. He opened his eyes, his fear coming true. Hospital. He was in a hospital. He tried to move. He was connected to a machine and a drip. He looked to his left. Juyeon was sitting by his bed, apparently asleep. Hyunjoon groaned. It was the wrong move, as Juyeon immediately opened his eyes, focusing on Hyunjoon. And then he was up, eyes wide.

“Joon. Fuck, you’re awake. Fuck, thank god you’re awake.”

Hyunjoon blinked. Juyeon looked so genuinely worried about him, and Hyunjoon… he felt his eyes watering and looked away.

“I’m sorry.”

He said.

“What are you apologizing for, Joonie?”

He asked. Hyunjoon sighed.

“Being a burden.”

He said. Juyeon made a noise on the back of his throat at that, sounding between angry and distressed.

“What do you mean you’re a burden? You’re not a burden, Joonie. You’ll never be. Oh god, how long have you been feeling like this?”

Hyunjoon bit on his lips, angry with himself for crying again.

“I-I wasn’t there. I wasn’t there last time, and I missed s-so much practice, and so m-many music shows, and, and so many programs, and I, I keep… half o-of our fans didn’t e-even know I was in the group, and m-my dancing is so shit after so lo-long without, training, I, and I know y-you guys pity me, and I don’t, it’s not…”

He couldn’t speak anymore, tears and sobs too much for him to keep talking. He heard Juyeon say something, but didn’t understand what it was. All he knew was that suddenly there was a lot of noise in the room, and he was being hugged and pet and held, and he still couldn’t fucking stop crying. 

He turned to the closest person to him and hugged whoever it was back. He just wanted this nightmare to end.

 

Once he finally managed to stop crying, he simply slouched against the person who was holding him. He vaguely recognized it as Sunwoo.

“I’m sorry.”

He mumbled again. He didn’t even know what he was apologizing for, anymore.

“We’ll talk once we’re back to the dorms. For now you should rest.”

Sangyeon. Hyunjoon closed his eyes.

 

No one spoke on the way back home on the next day. Juyeon and Younghoon squished Hyunjoon between them on the car, and Juyeon didn’t let go of the younger’s hand even for a second, but other than that nothing happened. And then they arrived at the dorms.

Juyeon guided Hyunjoon inside, pulling him into his room.

“Here, put on these and then meet me on the living room, ok?”

Hyunjoon frowned, but took the clothes he was being handed. The older boy left and Hyunjoon took a look at his clothes. The first thing he noticed was that they weren’t _his_. The sweatpants belonged to Juyeon, and they would definitely be too long on him. The other piece of clothing was a hoodie, which Hyunjoon recognized from Younghoon’s wardrobe. He frowned. He was a pretty tall guy, it wasn’t easy to find things that would be big on him. But Younghoon and Juyeon’s clothes…

He dressed himself, feeling somewhat warm and safe on his new clothes. They smelled like his two favourite hyungs, and like he had predicted were a bit too big, leaving him with sweater paws, and, for the first time in quite a while, feeling small and soft. He kinda liked the feeling.

He looked at the door. He didn’t want to leave the room. He felt safe in there, and outside he would have to face his members, who had seen him break down, who had seen him at his lowest. With a sigh, he opened the door. Stalling would do nothing.

He found everyone in the living room, sitting around, arguing and laughing and smiling. His heart ached for a moment. He wasn’t part of that. He…

“Joonie!”

Hyunjoon looked over to Younghoon, who had called him. The older patted the seat next to him, and Hyunjoon noticed there was space left on the couch, between Younghoon and Juyeon. Space for him. He felt his heart skip a beat.

Shyly, he approached the two boys, letting Juyeon pull him down.

“Joonie, you look so cute in that hoodie!”

Came Changmin’s voice. Hyunjoon blushed and looked down.

“Uhn, thank you.”

He said. Changmin giggled.

Then Haknyeon spoke up.

“Joonie, which movie do you prefer?”

He asked, lifting up three movies. Hyunjoon loved all three. Everyone knew that.

“T-the middle one?”

He chose, not sure about what was happening. Haknyeon put on the movie and turned off the lights. Juyeon pulled Hyunjoon to lie against him. Hyunjoon let him, still completely confused about what was going on. The movie started. Hyunjoon let himself relax.

 

“Hyung… what is all this?”

Asked Hyunjoon. The table was filled with his favourite dishes, and everyone was acting as if that was normal. It wasn’t normal.

“Food, Joonie.”

Came Kevin’s reply. Hyunjoon frowned.

“But, but this…”

Jaehyun walked out of the kitchen.

“Ok, everyone, sit down to eat.”

Everyone rushed to sit, and Eric pulled Hyunjoon along with him. once they were sitting down, Hyunjoon opened his mouth to speak, but Sangyeon was faster.

“Ok, before we all start eating. Joonie, you probably noticed, already, that something is going on.” Hyunjoon snorted. Yes, he had noticed. “Well. We are doing this for you. Juyeon told us you’ve been feeling left out and like a burden. You’re not a burden Hyunjoon. You’ve never been and you never will be. Do you understand?”

Hyunjoon knew he was staring dumbly at the leader.

“Joonie, we love you so much.” Said Juyeon. “And no, we do not pity you. We never have. Sorry if we made it seem like we did. We were just sad you couldn’t promote with us, because you’re such an important person to us, as a group and as your friends. We wanted you with us.”

Hyunjoon didn’t have time to speak before Chanhee started talking.

“But that doesn’t mean you weighted us down. We missed you so much, but we did our best for you. We always thought of you on music shows, and we did all we could to be our best, just for you.”

Hyunjoon knew he was crying again, but this time he didn’t care much.

“I-I disappointed you.”

He said. Younghoon shook his head.

“Oh, Joonie, of course you didn’t. You’re one of the most important people in our lives. Your health will always come first, and you will never disappoint us. Never. Alright?”

Hyunjoon could only nod, then hide his face against the closest person, who happened to be Sunwoo.

“Aigo, don’t cry, Joonie. You’ll make me cry too.”

Complained the boy, and Hyunjoon chuckled.

“Crybaby.”

He said, sniffing. Everyone laughed.

“Ok, enough with all the crying.” Said Jaehyun. “We worked hard to cook all of this for you, Joonie, you better eat everything.”

Hyunjoon sat up straight, smiling, not caring about his wet cheeks.

“I will, hyung. Thank you.”

“Never forget how much we love you, Joonie.”

Said, Juyeon. Hyunjoon smiled. He wouldn’t.

**Author's Note:**

> What did you guys think? I love reading your comments ^.^


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